LIfe: As I know it
I've been gone. You'll get no long sob story about how I should have kept up with my blog, because honestly I just didn't want to (this may have also crossed over into returning emails, I'm sorry if I didn't get back to you, but please know I have read everyone that was sent to me). I've been busy with life and other things and I just didn't feel like sitting in front of blank screen trying to force something out that just wasn't there. But here I am. Seeing as I was gone for almost a good month, I figure I'd do a little recap of what I have been doing, thinking and going through. So sit back, this could get interesting.The weight of it all: I'm back to trying to lose weight. It's hard and it sucks, but not as much as is sucks when I am miserable. I hate how I look, I hate how I feel, I hate how I have to dress. That's just too much hate for me.
The promotion party: At the beginning of June, Nate promoted to Captain. While we were happy about the promotion, it wasn't the end all be all for us (a Major promotion would be far more exciting, if Nate even stays in that long). We ended up helping throw a joint promotion party after we got back from our Antigua trip. There wasn't much to be done for the party, we used our side yard and got BBQ from a local restaurant. Pretty simple.
The guest: After the promotion party we had a friend come visit for a week. We did the normal sightseeing and lots of digging at our local Goodwill Outlet (seriously that place is crazy, but you can find amazing stuff). We do wish it would have been more into "pick your own" season so we could have taken her to the amazing farms we have around here.
The year mark: A week ago last year is when we officially move here. It's hard to believe that we've been here for a year and that we have less time left here. 18 months is not a long time to be somewhere, but I am learning just how fast that time really moves. Honestly, while I really love it here, I am happy and excited that we will be moving onto our next chapter so soon.
The running: I've never been a runner...in fact I have more than once said that I would never run. This all changed when I had my mental break about my weight. I wanted to look better for the trip to Antigua and that just wasn't happening. With the indoor pool on base being close, only to reopen with wonky hours and me not willing to swim in the gross outdoor pool...the only real option was to start running. Yeah...major fail. After three days I was in such immense amounts of pain, I stopped. I then went on vacation only to put on the 10lbs I works so hard to take off. Enter mental break #2. That's when I decided to throw on my Vibram Five Fingers and give running yet another try. Hello night and day change. Who knew that a shoe could change my life that much. I was running more often, better and further than I ever had in my life. I actually almost enjoy going out at night to run, though I still don't love it.
The baby shower: I've been amazingly busy planning a baby shower that finally took place last Wednesday. Being the crazed planner that I am, I fell head first into the design and feel of the party. It was a month long process. And while not everything went as planned (much to my chagrin), I am beyond happy with how it turned out.
The re-evaluation of life and all that comes with it: For the past month I have been thinking a lot about my life and what I want from it. It's hard to think about, when at almost 30 years of age I still haven't a clue. I'm stuck. That's all I know. I'm not happy with who I am, what I have become or who I might become. I feel boring and I hate boring. Somehow I am that 3rd wheel who gets overlooked, probably both knowingly and unknowingly. It's annoying and I don't know which is worse. I'm tired of being fat. But trying to be skinny sucks, especially when I never had a weight problem up until a few years ago. So what do I do!? I work my ass off...literally...to lose weight. I will look better damnit, because I know I can. I will look forward to moving in less than a year, so I can start fresh. I will stop allowing myself to be forgotten and only acknowledged when it's useful. I am not this person and I will be damned if I keep going on like this.
The projects: There's about 80 different things that I want to be working on, but I am really trying to focus on a few things. I need to finish my tee shirt rug. It keeps getting pushed to the side. I need to finish painting my chairs and reupholstering the seat cushions. Nate and I are almost done making melting crayon art. And of course, I have a great project that I need to get done before August, but I can't share it yet. I feel I will be having a very busy crafting month.
There's my month long follow up. I'm trying to keep myself busy. It makes the time pass and gets me closer to finished projects and another crazy move back across the country. In that time I will have another friend come visit, a birthday, some holidays and a very busy husband working on his thesis. It's a lot to do in what is turning out to be a short amount of time. It should be exciting and crazy, but then crazy is always involved when I am around!
I hope you all have been well and I look forward to hearing from you...and this time you'll hear back from me!
Geez I was tired just reading everything you have been up to. Good luck with running and the weight loss! YOU CAN DO IT! I like reading your blog looking forward to your next post! =) Blessings, Suzanne
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you're coming from, and I don't fault you at all for being away from the blog. I thought I'd have such a fun time keeping up with my pregnancy on mine and I hardly post once a month anymore. There's just too much to do and I can't sit down and force myself to write anything. What I do miss is just reading your stuff, but that's because I consider you a friend and that's me "missing" you :)
ReplyDeleteI've written up one side and down the other about running. I love it and I hate it. I love what it does for me and I love the feeling I get when I'm done with a great run. Great as in a good time or distance, but shit, it's hard. Doesn't matter how new you are at it, you're taxing your body to do something high impact and it sucks. You're hot, you hurt - I could go on. The best part of all of this, is you're doing something amazing for yourself both mentally and physically. Keep it up. I'd love to have a long distance running buddy after I have Ryan.
I can completely understand what you're going through on all levels. I'm sad you have to move away from Dayton so soon, but I do hope you end up so much closer to Washington so we have a chance to be friends IRL! Love and hugs from me!
The baby shower was absolutely amazing in every way.
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