Fashion: Spanx, but no thanks

I'm not in the shape I once was. Well, I was never in "shape" but I have put a decent amount of weight on, because of that I decided to try to hide it with various body shapewear/slimmers. I had tried ASSETS, which is Target's line of shapewear, while it was fine it was nothing to write home about. I then moved on to Victoria's Secret. I like what they have to offer and they have worked amazingly well for me so far.

Finally, a few months back I decided to try out Spanx. Yes I know I am a little slow. I started with their Bra-llelujah (both in the regular and racer-back front closure). I have never hated a bra more than these two bras. They were amazingly uncomfortable and offered no support what-so-ever. They went right on back to the store.

After that I stayed away from the line for a little while. Though this past trip I decided to try out the actual shaping items. I got a tank top from them and it's okay when it's not rolling up. It works well enough that I can deal with it. Finally I did my big girl purchase and got the Silm Cognito. It's the one that is suppose to suck everything in and it did pretty much. Plus it hooks to your bra so it won't roll down. It's a great idea, except for the fact that my back fat chose to seep out of the gaps between my bra and the top of the slimmer. Not such a hot look and strike one in my book. I gave it a test run for the day to see how well it worked. Everything seemed okay (minus the back fat issue), until I had to pee. Oh my fucking god who decided that is was a good idea not to have snaps at the crotch!? If you are going to make something that attaches to a bra you have to have an easy way to get it off to pee!
Picture this, me having to pee (not just a little), I run off to the bathroom and discover what I am up against. I try to unhook the straps to free the slimmer from my bra. No luck. There's nothing else I can do. I rip my shirt off and get my bra off. Only then am I able to pull the slimmer down so that I can pee. As I sit there, I put my bra and shirt back on. When all was said and done I had taken off the slimmer off and given up on it.
All I can say is WTF!? I mean I was wearing this thing with jeans and a t-shirt. What would have happened had I been wearing it under a dress? Am I not allowed to pee when wearing that slimmer? Not putting snaps in the crotch is just such an awful idea. No thank you, I'll pass.

So as a review I'm going to have to say that Spanx has been a big fat fail for me. I'm going to stick with the Victoria's Secret line. It's easy to use and little to no fuss. Plus I don't have to worry about peeing myself if I wear them!

Sometimes it's the simple things.